Wreck the Halls with Boughs of Holly, by the Three Stooges
[Tune: Deck the Halls]
Spoken:
Moe Howard: ‘Tis the night before Equimas and all through the town
Everything’s coming loose; everything’s falling down
[sounds of things falling and crashing]
Be careful with that holly!
Larry Fine: Don’t nail anything to the wall, I’m warnin’ ya. Use Scotch tape; Scotch tape is better!
Curly Joe DeRita: For paper, it’s good. For holly, it’s rotten!
Moe Howard: Watch out what you hang on that chandelier; it’s not strong!
Curly Joe DeRita: Tinsel. Tinsel. It’s only tinsel.
Larry Fine: It’s too MUCH tinsel!
Curly Joe DeRita: What harm could one more teensy weensy piece of tinsel do? Here, let me show you…there. See? AHHHHHH! [chandelier crashes]
Moe Howard: Though we hang our gay decorations with care,
Larry Fine: The whole house is a mess,
Moe Howard: and we cry in despair!
All: [crying, then singing:]
Don’t wreck the halls with boughs of holly.
Fa-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la
Decorating can be folly.
Fol-ly-fol-ly-fol-ly-fol-ly-fol
[more crashes]
[Spoken:]
Moe Howard: I _told_ you it wouldn’t hold! You wouldn’t listen! [SLAP!]
Curly Joe DeRita: Oooh, that hurt!
Moe Howard: No, it didn’t! THIS one will hurt! [SLAP!]
Curly Joe DeRita: OOOOW! Hey, you’re right!
[Sung:]
All: Holly leaves are sharp like stingers
Fa-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la
Handle them with dainty fingers
Fa-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la
[Spoken:]
Curly Joe DeRita: Ooh, my finger! It’s bleedin’!
Moe Howard: Serve ya right; I told you it was sharp! The bush is not straight!
Larry Fine: It’s leaning.
Moe Howard: It’s too much decorations on the left side!
Larry Fine: No, it’s NOT ENOUGH decorations on the left side!
Curly Joe DeRita: You’re BOTH wrong; it’s not enough on the top! Here, I’ll show ya!
Larry Fine: No, no, don’t put anything more on the top!
Moe Howard: Come down from there! Watch out what you’re doin’!
Curly Joe DeRita: Oooh! Whoa!
Larry Fine: It’s dangerous! I’m warnin’ ya, I’m tellin’ ya it’s…
Moe Howard: TIMMM-BERRRRRRRRRR! [bush and Curly crashes]
C’mon, Larry, let’s get Curly Joe out from under that bush again.