In No Census, No Feeling the Three Stooges (Moe, Larry, Curly) become census workers who, after crashing a society party, pretend to be football players – ending with an ice cream chase!
No Census, No Feeling (1940) starring the Three Stooges – Moe Howard, Larry Fine, Curly Howard
No Census, No Feeling begins with a storekeeper opening the awning over his store. Resulting in the sleeping Three Stooges falling out of the awning where they were sleeping. After a moment of slapstick fighting over whose fault it was, Curly throws a pot, breaking dishes … Resulting in the Stooges running away from the storekeeper and a pursuing police officer. They run into a building for cover, and come out as agents for the census bureau, setting up the remainder of the short film where they try to gather answers for the census from private citizens. For the princely pay of 4 cents a head!
The Stooges soon separate, with a series of vignettes as they each unsuccessfully try to gather information for the Census in a series of funny moments, resulting with all three reunited at at a mansion, where Moe and Larry are talked into standing in for missing bridge players for the hostess. Curly, meanwhile, is making punch in the kitchen – while trying to make time with the French maid – and “sweetens” the punch by adding Alum to it, thinking that it’s powdered sugar. This leads to a very funny scene, as the different party members (including Three Stooges regular Vernon Dent) try to drink the punch, not hurt the hostess’ feelings, and keep talking with the puckering effect of the alum.
Curly for President T-shirt
Census takers at the Football game
Soon the Three Stooges are sneaking into a large football game, trying to get the football players’ information for the census. It’s a very funny segment, as the football players try to ignore them while the Stooges try to take the information. This leads to Larry’s “genius” idea of getting the football, since they the players would have to talk to them! This results in the final scene of the film, with Curly running with the football, with Moe and Larry close behind pulling an ice cream vendor’s cart, throwing ice cream at the pursuing football team and officials.
No Census, No Feeling is a very funny Three Stooges short film, and is highly recommended, and is available on DVD as part of The Three Stooges Collection: volume 3. A colorized version is available on DVD as part of The Three Stooges – Stooged & Confoosed (Colorized / Black & White)
Editorial review of No Census, No Feeling – Three Stooges short film, courtesy of Amazon.com
The stooges get jobs as census takers and wind up in a fancy mansion looking for people to survey. Moe and Larry are recruited to join a bridge game, while Curly adds Alum to the lemonade. The resulting concoction is consumed by everyone, resulting in puckered lips and shrunken clothes. The boys next try to take the census at a football stadium. They disguise themselves as players and wind up in the middle of the game. Curly runs off with the ball and all the other players in pursuit.
Funny movie quotes from No Census, No Feeling starring the Three Stooges
Moe (Moe Howard): Boy, you got brains like Napoleon.
Larry (Larry Fine): Napoleon’s dead.
Moe (Moe Howard): I know it.
Moe (Moe Howard): Good morning, sir, I’m the census taker. Are you married or happy?
Henry’s wife: Hen-ry!
Moe (Moe Howard): [Henry ducks just a vase is thrown by his wife, hitting Moe and knocking him down the stairs] Married.
Larry (Larry Fine): [after all three are unable to find anyone else to interview] Where is everybody?
Curly (Curly Howard): Maybe it’s The Fourth of July.
Moe (Moe Howard): The Fourth of July in October?
Curly (Curly Howard): You never can tell … look what they did to Thanksgiving!
Moe (Moe Howard): Pardon us, madame, we’re census takers. What’s your name?
Larry (Larry Fine): And your address?
Curly (Curly Howard): What’s more important, what’s your phone number? Nyuk, nyuk …
[Woman hits them with her purse
Bridge game
Moe (Moe Howard): Now, calm yourself. We’re census takers, madam. How old are you?
Larry (Larry Fine): What address is this?
Lady having bridge party: One hundred and two.
Moe (Moe Howard): You don’t look a day over eighty.
Lady having bridge party: Young man, I’m twenty-nine.
Moe (Moe Howard): Oh, yeah?
Lady having bridge party: Well, how do I look?
Moe (Moe Howard): Oh, you look like a million.
Larry (Larry Fine): Ah, she can’t be that old. [Larry and Moe open her mouth and check her teeth.] Forty-three.
Moe (Moe Howard): Fifty.
Larry (Larry Fine): Forty-three!
Moe (Moe Howard): Fifty!
Larry (Larry Fine)Larry (Larry Fine): Forty-three!
Moe (Moe Howard): Fifty, fifty, fifty, fifty, fifty, fifty, [mouth begins to move much faster] fifty, fifty, fifty, fifty, fifty, fifty, fifty, fifty, fifty …
Curly (Curly Howard): Sooold American!
Lady having bridge party: Does your drink taste all right?
Moe (Moe Howard): A little heavy on the Angora Bitters. In fact, I think the goat walked right through it, I’m sure.
You fill up my census …
Curly (Curly Howard): Roses are red, and how do you do? Drink four of these and woo, woo, woo, woo!
Moe (Moe Howard): Where were you born?
Curly (Curly Howard): Lake Winnipesaukee.
Moe (Moe Howard): How do you spell that?
Curly (Curly Howard): W-O … woof! Make it Lake Erie I got an Uncle there!
Moe (Moe Howard): What was your family decomposed of?
Curly (Curly Howard): Well, I’ll tell ya! There was a litter of three, and I was the one they kept! Nyuk nyuk nyuk
Moe (Moe Howard): [not realizing he is getting replies from Larry] Pardon me sir, but I’m taking census, where were you born?
Larry (Larry Fine): Lake Winnipesaukee.
Moe (Moe Howard): Lake Winnip-how many in the family?
Larry (Larry Fine): I was one of a litter of three.
Moe (Moe Howard): Now don’t tell me you’re the one they kept!
Larry (Larry Fine): Nah, I was the one they threw away!
At the football game
Moe (Moe Howard): Boy, look at that. There must be a hundred thousand people in there. We’ll make a fortune!
Curly (Curly Howard): Woo-woo!
Moe (Moe Howard): How much is four cents times a hundred thousand?
Curly (Curly Howard): [With shock] Nyahhh …
[gives in, stands up straight and begins to type in the air with typewriter sound effects. Sweeps his head with the sound of the typewriter bar being pushed back. Finally pulls a strip of paper from his mouth. Reads paper]
Curly (Curly Howard): A dollar and a half.
Moe (Moe Howard): A dollar and a half?
Curly (Curly Howard): That’s without the tax!
Curly (Curly Howard): I’m gettin’ sick and tired of this! How old are you?
Football player: Ninteen!
Curly (Curly Howard): Now we’re gettin’ somewhere!
Football player: Eighty-three! Twenty-seven! Twenty-two!
Curly (Curly Howard): Why don’t you make up your mind?
Trivia for No Census, No Feeling
- The “litter of three” joke was more or less an in-joke dealing with the fact that Larry was the only one of the main three (Moe, Larry, Curly) who was not a Howard/Horowitz. Curly says he was one of the ones kept (being a Howard), while Larry says he was the one they threw away (not being a Howard).
- Near the beginning when Moe explains to the boys that they’re working for the Census, Curly asks, “Will Hays?” This is an inside Hollywood joke as Curly must have thought Moe said “censors” who enforced the Hays Code, started by the first president of the Motion Picture Association of America, William Harrison Hays.
- Just before the boys go to the football game, they hear a commotion in the distance. Curly says, “Maybe it’s the Fourth of July!” Moe says, “The Fourth of July in October?” Curly replies, “You never can tell. Look what they did to Thanksgiving.” This reference is lost on most people today. Before 1939, Thanksgiving was not a fixed date, but relied on a Presidential Thanksgiving Proclamation each year. Lincoln began the national holiday in 1863 and most people were used to Thanksgiving being the last Thursday of November. In 1939 (the year before this short was released), President Roosevelt changed the date of the national holiday, much to the disagreement of many of the states’ governors and their citizens. This change added an extra week of holiday shopping, which pleased the leaders of big business. The move was quite controversial and it wasn’t until the end of 1941 that Congress passed a law to settle the dispute and establish the “fourth Thursday” of November as our Thanksgiving Day.
Originally published at Family Friendly Movies, used with permission
Cast of characters
- Curly Howard … Curly (as Curly)
- Larry Fine … Larry (as Larry)
- Moe Howard … Moe (as Moe)
Additional Cast
- Bruce Bennett (Beer Barrel Polecats) … Football Player #20
- Symona Boniface (Vagabond Loafers) … Bridge Party Hostess
- Max Davidson (The Great Dictator) … Storekeeper
- Vernon Dent (Scrambled Brains) … Moe’s Bridge Partner
- Marjorie Kane (Three Smart Saps) … Maid
- Frank Mills (Dizzy Doctors) … Stadium Guard
- Bert Stevens (Have Rocket Will Travel) … Party Guest
- John Tyrrell (Booby Dupes) … Napping Man
- Ellinor Vanderveer (Loco Boy Makes Good) … Bridge Player
- Bert Young (What’s the Matador?) … Referee
- Evelyn Young (Boobs in Arms) … Slapping Lady in Street
Pingback: Funny movie quotes from No Census, No Feeling